Is Having Kids Worth It?

A little over a year ago, my mom passed away. Since then, I’ve been reflecting on life, on the things she tried to teach me, and on one of the biggest questions I never really considered when I was younger: Is having kids worth it?

My mom used to tell me that having children was one of the happiest, most powerful, and most meaningful things she ever did. She said she was grateful to have had my brother and me. And at one point, she said something that, at the time, I thought was absolutely ridiculous:

She told me that before she had kids, she thought she understood what love was. But after having us, she realized she hadn’t truly understood love at all.

I was probably in my late teens or early twenties when she said this, and I remember thinking, Come on. That sounds like a Hallmark card. What does that even mean?

But now, years later, and as a parent myself, I finally understand what she meant. And it’s made me think a lot about whether having kids is really worth it.

The Realities of Parenthood

Let’s be honest: having kids is hard. It’s exhausting. It changes your life completely.

You lose sleep.
You sacrifice time, money, and personal freedom.
You deal with endless responsibilities, worries, and frustrations.

And in a world where more people are questioning whether parenthood is the right choice for them, it’s fair to ask: Is all of that struggle actually worth it?

I think about this question often. And the answer, for me, comes back to something my mom tried to tell me when I was too young to understand: Some things in life can’t be explained. They have to be experienced.

The Unexplainable Side of Parenting

There’s a concept called qualia—it refers to experiences that you can’t fully understand just by hearing about them. You have to live them.

Parenthood, I’ve realized, falls into that category. No one can tell you what it feels like to love your child. No words, no video, no second-hand account can truly capture the experience of seeing your child grow, change, and become their own person—of feeling that deep, overwhelming love that shifts your entire perspective on life.

Before having a child, I thought I knew what love was. I thought I understood it through family, friendships, and relationships. But now, I see what my mom meant. There’s something different, something deeper, about the love you feel for your child.

And even as my mom’s memory faded in her final years, that love remained. She still knew us. She still felt that love. That, to me, speaks volumes.

So, Is It Worth It?

For me? Yes.

Is it hard? Absolutely.
Is it frustrating? Without a doubt.
Does it take everything you have? Pretty much.

But if you ask me whether I regret it? Not for a second.

That being said, I don’t think parenthood is the only path to fulfillment, and I understand why some people choose not to have kids. But if you’re on the fence, just know this—there are certain feelings, certain moments of love and connection, that you may never fully understand unless you take the leap.

And sometimes, those moments make it all worth it.